Armed truck driver illegally dumped tires, Florida cops say. Then alligator appeared.

Written by: Road Rage Ross. Field Reporter/Traffic Hazard

Orlando, Florida - In the swamps of Florida, where the sun blazes hotter than a truck’s exhaust pipe, a tale of tires, tequila, and toothy reptiles unfolded in the most unexpected fashion. It all began when a local motorist, let’s call him “Swampy Joe,” decided that the best way to dispose of his old tires was to give them a scenic tour of the Boggy Creek wetlands, west of Orlando International Airport.

As Swampy Joe was flinging tires into the marsh like frisbees at a college tailgate, he spotted an alligator that seemed to be giving him the stink eye. Not one to back down from a reptilian staring contest, Joe did what any self-respecting Floridian would do—he opened fire from the safety of his truck window. Because, as everyone knows, the best way to scare an alligator is with a good ol’ game of “Duck Hunt.”

Little did Joe know, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission had been staking out the area, after finding it had become a popular tire spa for unwanted rubber. The officers watched in disbelief as Joe’s one-man war against the alligator escalated. They approached Joe, who was now more surprised than a possum on a highway, and discovered his truck was about as legal as his shooting range.

Swampy Joe tried to explain that he was merely defending himself from an imminent alligator attack, but the officers weren’t buying it. They pointed out that the alligator hadn’t moved an inch, probably because it was too busy laughing at the human’s antics. In the end, Joe was arrested for tire dumping, unlicensed truck rallying, and trying to turn the alligator into a pair of boots—all while nursing an open container of what we can only assume was ‘Gatorade.’

As for the alligator, it slinked away unscathed, likely off to tell its friends about the day it became the most feared creature in the swamp—not for its bite, but for its ability to attract flying tires and lead bullets. A story that’s sure to spin its way through the truck stops and diners, all along the I-75.

Disclaimer: Remember, tossing tires is bad for your karma and worse for the environment. This story is intended for laughs, not for legal advice—unless you’re a gator lawyer, in which case, do give us a call!