Drivers Express Their Opinions about Online Orientation

Written by: Mello Mike. Meteorologist/Mechanic

Dallas, Texas - Platypus News recently conducted a random survey to gather drivers' thoughts about online orientations. The drivers that came forward expressed their candid thoughts on the new online orientation programs. Their responses were as varied as the cargo they haul, but one thing is for sure: they were not holding back.

Bob “Snooze Control” Jefferson, a veteran driver known for his ability to sleep with his eyes open, praised the new system. “It’s fantastic! I just prop my phone up, start the video, and I’m out like a light. I haven’t had this good a nap since I mistook a rest stop for a mattress store.”

Meanwhile, Earl “Old Timer” McGraw, who’s been trucking since the days when maps were made of paper, had a different take. “I tried to do the orientation on my trusty flip phone, but all I got was a busy signal and a reminder to pay my overdue Blockbuster fees. I guess I’ll stick to the old-school method of learning—osmosis.”

Jimmy aka “Skipper” couldn’t contain his enthusiasm for the ‘efficiency’ of the program. “Why watch an hour-long safety video when you can just fast-forward and Google the quiz answers? It’s like they say, ‘Time is money, and I’m making a fortune in saved seconds!’”

Samantha “Homebody” Smith shared her preference for the comfort of her own home. “Why sit in a stuffy classroom when I can be in my PJs at home, catching Zs on my own couch? Plus, I can pause the video whenever my cat demands attention, which is always.”

Amidst the sea of sarcasm, Tracy O’Reilly (more like oblivious O'Reilly), a driver trainer, remains blissfully unaware of the drivers’ true feelings. “This online orientation is a game-changer! The engagement, the enthusiasm—I’ve never seen anything like it. They’re so quiet during the sessions; you could hear a pin drop!”

As the trucking industry rolls into the digital age, it’s clear that drivers are finding creative ways to adapt—or at least creative ways to catch up on sleep. Stay tuned to Platypus News for more hard-hitting insights from the road.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by the truckers in this article are as real as the Tooth Fairy’s commercial driver’s license. No flip phones were harmed in the making of this satire. Remember, any resemblance to actual online orientations, living or dozed off, is purely coincidental and should be taken with a grain of salt and perhaps a cup of strong coffee.