Hockey team claims cargo theft in California after someone stole a load of bobbleheads.

Written by: Road Rage Ross. Field Reporter/Traffic Hazard

Sacramento, CA – In a baffling twist of fate, the California Ice Pucks, a semi-professional hockey team, has filed an official police report claiming that their precious cargo of bobbleheads was stolen during transit. The incident occurred on a moonless night when the team’s mascot, Slapshot Steve, was supposed to deliver the valuable collection to a local sports memorabilia convention.

The Great Bobblehead Heist

According to eyewitnesses, a shadowy figure dressed in a giant foam finger costume was seen lurking around the delivery truck. The foam finger, who later identified themselves as “El Digit”, allegedly distracted the driver by challenging him to a thumb-wrestling match. While the driver was busy showcasing his best thumb-twisting moves, El Digit executed a flawless heist, making off with the entire shipment of bobbleheads.

Bobblehead Bonanza

The stolen bobbleheads are no ordinary collectibles. They depict famous hockey players in absurd poses, including Sidney “Squid” Slapshot: A bobblehead of the team captain, with tentacles instead of legs, spinning wildly on its base. Gretzky the Giraffe: A long-necked giraffe wearing oversized hockey gear, attempting to score a goal with its elongated neck. Zamboni Zane: A miniature Zamboni driver bobblehead, complete with a tiny ice resurfacer that circles around its base.

Team’s Outrage and Investigation

The California Ice Pucks are fuming over the theft. Coach Frosty McFreeze held an emergency press conference, declaring, “This is an affront to the very essence of our hockey-loving society! We demand justice for our wobbly comrades!” The team has hired a crack team of investigators, led by retired detective Viola Barney, to track down the bobblehead bandit. Clues include a trail of nachos a half-eaten hot dog, and a suspiciously large collection of bubblegum cards featuring hockey legends.

El Digit’s Demands

In an anonymous email sent to the team, El Digit revealed their demands:

• A Lifetime Supply of Frozen Yogurt: “I’m tired of vanilla swirls. Give me the good stuff!”

• Front-Row Tickets to the Next Ice Pucks Game: “I want to see those bobbleheads in action!”

• A Custom-Made Bobblehead of Myself: “With extra wobble, of course.”
  

The Bobblehead Ransom

The team faces a dilemma: comply with El Digit’s demands or risk never seeing their beloved bobbleheads again. Negotiations are ongoing, with Coach McFreeze practicing his negotiation skills by haggling with street vendors over churros.

Public Reaction

Fans have rallied behind the Ice Pucks, organizing candlelight vigils and chanting, “Bobbleheads, bobbleheads!” Meanwhile, rival teams have offered their support, with the San Francisco Sardines sending a heartfelt tweet: “Stay strong, Ice Pucks! We’ve got your backs (and your bobbleheads).”

As the investigation continues, one thing is clear: California’s logistics industry has never seen a caper quite like this. Will El Digit return the bobbleheads? Or will they join forces with the foam finger mafia for a grand ice caper? Only time will tell.

Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire. Any resemblance to actual hockey teams, mascots, or bobbleheads is purely coincidental. Digit Dave is a fictional character, and the author encourages everyone to enjoy frozen yogurt responsibly.