Platypus News is Now Hiring!!!

Now Hiring!! See below for details.

Director of Operations

Platypus News

About Us:

Platypus News is a groundbreaking media organization dedicated to reporting on the truly important news. We're looking for a visionary leader to guide our operations into the future.

Qualifications:

PHD in Quantum Tea Leaf Reading: The ability to predict future trends and make informed decisions based on cosmic tea leaf readings is a must. Candidate must supply their own tea leaves.

What We're Looking For:

Leadership Experience: Ability to lead, manage and develop the operations team and work under pressure with zero support and direction from upper management.

Forsight Proficiency: Understand the unspoken needs and desires of our global audience, and C suite executives that will never learn your name or who you are and anticipate their every whim.

A.I. Expert: Must have a minimum of 25 years of experience in using various forms of A.I.

Latest Technology: Must be able to use and navigate the latest technology such as Salesforce and Cisco. We do not use any of these we just use excel and update Gantt charts all day.

Job Requirements:

Top Secret Clearance: This is a requirement even though nothing in the job description deems it necessary.

Remote Work: 100% remote, as long as you're physically present at our undisclosed location.

Flexible Schedule: Expect the rare occasional weekend work (at least 40 weekends per year) and constant overnight travel. When we say remote work, we mean remote away from your home.

Travel Expenses: Candidates must cover initial travel costs (food, gas, hotel) and submit receipts for reimbursement. Company will then reimburse you for all of your expenses but only after we state you filled out the forms incorrectly at least three times per our company's reimbursement S.O.P.

International Travel: A valid passport and international travel at your expense is required, even though all business is conducted domestically.

Compensation:

Salary: $10,000 - $1 Trillion per year, based on your ability to overexaggerate on your resume. Even so we will still give you a low-ball offer after 9 rounds of interviews stretched out over 6 months, if we even respond back at all.

Bonus Structure: Earn up to 50% of your annual salary by achieving impossible KPIs.

Application Questions:

Must have and submit personal LinkedIn page link for trolling.

For extensive research purposes if you have an Only Fans page a link must be submitted.

Are you able to grow and develop the world's best operations team with no budget?

If you have made it this far after reading all of our expectations, then you may just have what it takes (or you have serious mental health issues) submit your resume to: thisjobisfake@platypusnews.com