Someone mailed a live rattlesnake to a California man. He thinks it was attempted murder.

Originally reported by USA Today. Covered by: Mellow Mike. Meteorologist/Mechanic

Twentynine Palms, CA - In a bizarre package delivery that’s rattling the nation, a Southern California truck driver found himself hissing mad after receiving a special delivery with a live rattlesnake. The driver, who’s been around the block enough times to know when he’s being ‘snaked’, suspected foul play.

The man, who’s no stranger to receiving odd freight, dialed 911 faster than a rattler strikes after picking up the suspicious parcel from the Twentynine Palms post office. The local sheriff’s department, upon hearing the news, slithered into action and passed the buck to the U.S. Postal Inspection Service for further probing.

The driver, Elijah Bowles, a seasoned road warrior, speculated that the snake’s rattle was muffled by cotton balls, a clever trick to keep postal workers none the wiser. The rattler, measuring a not-so-cuddly two feet, was promptly taken into custody by Animal Control, presumably read its rights, and given a lawyer.

Bowles’ friend, who opened the package in the car, nearly set a new land speed record tossing the box at him while exclaiming, “There’s a snake in there!” In a move that would make Indiana Jones proud, Bowles used a stick to investigate the box, which was marked “fragile” – perhaps a snakey sense of humor from the sender.

The return address pointed to a home in Palm Coast, Florida, but the package took a detour from Hayward, California. Rick Boyd, the Animal Control supervisor, identified the snake as a Western rattlesnake, an unexpected tourist in Southern California.

Healthline warns that a rattlesnake bite should be treated within half an hour, as procrastination could lead to a permanent checkout from the motel of life. But in this case, it seems the only thing dying was the snake’s chance at a successful career in mail delivery.

So, next time you’re expecting a package, you might want to listen closely – it could be more than just bubble wrap popping. And for all the aspiring criminals out there, remember: if you’re going to commit attempted murder, maybe don’t use a method that can be foiled by a stick and a call to Animal Control.

Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire and should be taken with a grain of salt and a sense of humor. The original, non-satirical story was first reported by USA Today. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living, dead, or coiled, is entirely coincidental and not intended to convey factual information.