Truck Driver Jailed After Bumping Wife with Semi Truck During a Pokémon Card Rage

Written by: Road Rage Ross Field Reporter/Traffic Hazard

Monroe County, Georgia - A truck driver was arrested on assault charges after bumping into his wife with his semi-truck earlier this month, all because of a heated dispute over Pokémon cards.

The incident occurred on August 3rd at the Interstate 75 rest area at around 8 p.m. in Monroe County, Georgia. According to Monroe County Reporter, 33-year-old Krista Maria Pike called police after her husband, 32-year-old truck driver Matthew Johnathan Pike, bumped into her using his commercial vehicle in a fit of Pokémon-fueled rage.

When officers responded to the call, they found Krista inside her blue 2001 Nissan Altima with heavy bruising and scrapes on both of her legs. She told officers that her husband had tried to run her over with his tractor trailer after accusing her of throwing away his beloved Pokémon card collection.

Matthew, who was later arrested for aggravated assault, was heard shouting, “Charmander and Squirtle have always been there for me since I was a kid! They helped me through tough times, and now they’re gone because of you!”

However, Krista had a different story to tell. “I never threw away his Pokémon cards,” she explained to the officers. “He’s just furious because he could never beat me in a Pokémon duel. I’m a Pokémon Master, and he just can’t handle it.”

As Matthew was led away in handcuffs, he continued to rant about the importance of his Pokémon cards, while Krista shook her head and muttered, “He’ll never understand the true power of a well-timed Pikachu Thunderbolt.”

No further information has been released, but it’s safe to say that this is one Pokémon battle that won’t be settled with a simple duel.

Disclaimer: No Pokémon cards were harmed in the making of this satire article. Any resemblance to real-life Pokémon Masters is purely coincidental.