Trucker Marries in Breathtaking Truck Stop Ceremony!

Written by: Mellow Mike. Meteorologist/Mechanic

LAS VEGAS, Nevada - In a move that would make Smokey Robinson raise an eyebrow, long-haul trucker Donnie "Gearjammer" Johnson tied the knot with his trusty Peterbilt 389 (Petal) yesterday afternoon, in a tear-jerking ceremony held at the Wild Wild West Truck Plaza off interstate I-15. The two were united in holy matrimony surrounded by a mix of confused onlookers and fellow truckers honking in celebration.

The love story, as Donnie tells it while wiping a tear from his eye wearing a grease covered glove, began at a truck stop in Albuquerque two years ago. "The moment I laid eyes on her chrome grill and those cute pigtails," Donnie gushed, "I knew Petal was the one. There was just somethin' special about her."

The ceremony itself was a sight to behold. Petal, decked out in a custom chrome grille guard veil and air horn bouquet, rolled in proudly beside Donnie, who sported a trucker hat emblazoned with the words "Just Married." The vows were equal parts romantic and technical, with Donnie pledging to keep Petal's undercarriage clean and top her fluids regularly, and Petal (via a pre-recorded message played through the air horn) promising to haul his cargo safely for miles to come.

However, the wedded bliss took a sharp turn when Donnie revealed his biggest marital woe: Cheap Azz Transport, his employer, refuses to cover Petal under their company health insurance plan. "It ain't right!" Donnie lamented. "Petal's practically part of the family! “She may have wheels instead of legs, but she deserves coverage for oil changes and tire rotations!”

The news sent shockwaves through the assembled crowd. "This is gettin' out of hand," muttered trucker Earl "Greased Axle" Jones, scratching his head. Another driver, Rita "Roadrunner" Simmons offered a more sympathetic take. "Can't stop true love, I guess," she said with a shrug. "But good luck explaining that to the IRS on their taxes."

Donnie, however, remains undeterred. "Petal and me, we're in this for the long haul," he declared, squeezing the ever-so-slightly greasy Peterbilt hood. "Now, if you'll excuse me, we have a honeymoon run to make - gotta deliver that shipment of pickles to Denver by sunrise!"

Disclaimer: This article is purely satirical and intended for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or parked, is entirely coincidental. No trucks were proposed to in the making of this story.