Trump’s Iron Curtain Falls on Education: A New Era of Discipline and Domination

President Elect Donald Trump has named Linda McMahon the new Secretary of Education. This decision has left educators and parents alike, curious of potential new changes Mrs. McMahon intends to make in our nation's public schools.  Secretary of Education in waiting McMahon has sent shockwaves through the educational system, promising a radical overhaul that will leave no classroom untouched and create disciplined students.

McMahon, known for her time as the head of the WWE, will allow teachers and staff to implement devastating finishing moves on unruly students, as a way to instill discipline and maintain order in the nation's classrooms. In addition, McMahon plans to implement a series of sweeping changes to ensure discipline and order are maintained with a series of innovative changes, including:

• Ring of Resolution: Every classroom will be equipped with a state-of-the-art wrestling ring. Student disputes, once settled with mere words or detentions, will now be resolved in a fair and equitable manner: through a good old-fashioned wrestling match. If a dispute is still not settled after 10 minutes, then it will turn into a steel cage, no holds barred match. 

  
  

• Chair of Authority: Teachers will be empowered with metal chairs, a symbol of their authority and a powerful tool for maintaining classroom order. A well-timed chair shot to the back of a misbehaving student is expected to be a highly effective deterrent.

  
  

• Powerbomb of Knowledge: Traditional textbooks will be replaced with high-impact learning experiences, delivered with the force of a powerful stone-cold stunner. Students can expect to be "taught" the intricacies of algebra or the nuances of Shakespearean sonnets through a series of suplexes and piledrivers.

  
  

While some critics have raised concerns about the potential for injury and the erosion of traditional educational values, McMahon remains undeterred. She insists that her methods will create a generation of strong, disciplined, and knowledgeable students, ready to take on any challenge, both inside and outside the steel caged classroom.